SOME ONE PLEASE HELP

HELP HELP HELP!!!!! Okay I am done with trying to pretend everything is all good. I am letting my life slip away from me. Everyday I find myself LOWER than I was the day before. I can't take it anymore. My heart is in the wrong place and I am going back to my old ways of life before I knew Christ. I don't know who I am becoming any more. I am certainly not becoming a GOD like figure.

I use to love to go to church not to see my friends but to hear the message and grow closer to GOD. But now when I go I really don't even want to be there. I can't focus on the message. I don't want to hear the music which use to be my favorite part of the service because that was how I grew closer to GOD. I grew closer by listen to the music as it touched my heart and moved my soul. When it comes time for the message I try to listen but I find myself thinking about other thing that are far less important. I half way listen to the message and I don't put it to use in my everyday life. Its like I am not even there. By the time I leave I am not able to tell you one thing that was said or sung right before me.

I am blowing GOD off completely and I don't know why. I want GOD in my life and I know he wants to be in my life. But I don't understand what is going on. I don't get it. Its not like me at all. I don't want to become that person who was all about GOD, then one day they decide to turn the corner and move away from GOD. Some one help me. What can I do to Keep myself on tract. I want my old life back. It may of had more ups and downs and fights, but at least then I was able to turn to GOD and lean on him. Now I would not think of turning to GOD. Its like I think he is the enemy. I need to get my life back in order, it needs to be put back on the rails of life. I have been derailed far too long than anyone should ever be.

SO PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME. GIVE ME SOME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO. I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF IT.

Marissa LeeAnn Thompson