Relationships

Well by now you all know that my mother and I do not have a good relationship or even a realtionship at that matter. But recently she has been sending me emails. I have not responded to any of them although I have read them. But she just me an email and it really bother the crap out of me. I am a christian though sometimes I dont act like one. And the thing that ticked me off the most about the email was that she wrote this "you are a christian and you should not be acting like this". I am a christian and yes it does say in the bible to honor your parents. And the only way that I can respect my mother and honor her is by not talking to her. Only because every time we try and talk or see each other it ends up being a screaming death macth to see you can hurt the other person the most or which one can say the nastyest things possible. So I feel by me not talking to her it the better path to take. But with the last email she sent me I had to respond back to it. I do regret that I did so when I was mad at what she said and when I was sad at something else. So I will admit that I could have done it at a better time but we all make mistakes that we wish we had not done its life. But I responded by saying that the statment she just said was not needed and that I was not going to take that kind of crap from her ever. And since I was already emailing her I finaly got the guts to tell her the real truth of why I was not talking to her. Which was that I was having a great deal of horrbile things in my life happen, and that I could not handle this ontop of everything else that I was dealing with too. And the fact of that because of my child hood that was cuy short because of both of my parents and everything thtat I had to deal with really hurt me emotionaly and mentaly and physicaly. And that I am suffering from deppersion which not many people know about. But basically I told her that I did not want to talk to her right now because of all the things she has put me through and that she let happen to me as a child growing up till the day that she moved out when I was in 7th grade. But being the person who I am I also told her that I would like to forget everything that happened to me because of her and what she did also. That I want to forgive her and move on but that it is really hard for me. And that I want to have a relationship with her but that I cant right now. So moral of the story I love her but I have a great deal of problems in every aspect of my life because of her.