Matt has been my youth pastor for two years or more now. And at first I was unsure about him but that I would give him a chance. And it turned out that I grew to love him a lot. Matt is one of my favorite people. He knows how to make me laugh to the point it hurts. But most importantly he has taught me so many things. He is the reason why I decided to get baptised and he is the one who baptised me. We were both nervous but he was more nervous because it was his first time every doing it. But I was nervous for a different reason. But Matt has had a huge impact on my life. And now I have to watch him say his goodbye to go to Afghanistan for a year and three months. We all knew that this day might come. But none of us ever wanted it to. We had our last wed. night with him last night for a long time until he returns safely home to all of us. And as you can imagine it was a very emotional night for him and all the people that love him dearly. I dont know how the rest of the people feel so I can only speak for myself. But having to see him leave is one of the hardest thing I have had to deal in a while. Matt has been like a father to me. So this was very hard for me to say goodbye to him. It took me a long time to get myself together to actually go talk to him and say bye and give him a hug. And when doing so he told me something that meant the world to me. It made me very happy to hear him say it but hurt at the same time because I was having to let him go. But that night I gave him something more than just words. I gave Matt my cross necklace for him to have and to cherish. So what I really want to say is that Matt I love you so much that I cant not describe it in words that would actually cover how much I love you and that I will miss you beyond belief and that you mean the world to me.
Marissa LeeAnn Thompson
Thursday, January 29, 2009
JESUS
This is a poem that I wrote on Tuesday night.
Jesus
You are the one I need
You are the one for me
When I stray away
When I am on your path
Cant stay away from you
Cant get enough of you
You are all I want for me
You want everything
I give you all I can
But its not enough
You want all of me
I want you
I need you
Pick me up
Brush me off
Put me back on track
Keep me close to you
Never let me fade from you
Jesus you are what I need
Relationships
Well by now you all know that my mother and I do not have a good relationship or even a realtionship at that matter. But recently she has been sending me emails. I have not responded to any of them although I have read them. But she just me an email and it really bother the crap out of me. I am a christian though sometimes I dont act like one. And the thing that ticked me off the most about the email was that she wrote this "you are a christian and you should not be acting like this". I am a christian and yes it does say in the bible to honor your parents. And the only way that I can respect my mother and honor her is by not talking to her. Only because every time we try and talk or see each other it ends up being a screaming death macth to see you can hurt the other person the most or which one can say the nastyest things possible. So I feel by me not talking to her it the better path to take. But with the last email she sent me I had to respond back to it. I do regret that I did so when I was mad at what she said and when I was sad at something else. So I will admit that I could have done it at a better time but we all make mistakes that we wish we had not done its life. But I responded by saying that the statment she just said was not needed and that I was not going to take that kind of crap from her ever. And since I was already emailing her I finaly got the guts to tell her the real truth of why I was not talking to her. Which was that I was having a great deal of horrbile things in my life happen, and that I could not handle this ontop of everything else that I was dealing with too. And the fact of that because of my child hood that was cuy short because of both of my parents and everything thtat I had to deal with really hurt me emotionaly and mentaly and physicaly. And that I am suffering from deppersion which not many people know about. But basically I told her that I did not want to talk to her right now because of all the things she has put me through and that she let happen to me as a child growing up till the day that she moved out when I was in 7th grade. But being the person who I am I also told her that I would like to forget everything that happened to me because of her and what she did also. That I want to forgive her and move on but that it is really hard for me. And that I want to have a relationship with her but that I cant right now. So moral of the story I love her but I have a great deal of problems in every aspect of my life because of her.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
SOME ONE PLEASE HELP
HELP HELP HELP!!!!! Okay I am done with trying to pretend everything is all good. I am letting my life slip away from me. Everyday I find myself LOWER than I was the day before. I can't take it anymore. My heart is in the wrong place and I am going back to my old ways of life before I knew Christ. I don't know who I am becoming any more. I am certainly not becoming a GOD like figure.
I use to love to go to church not to see my friends but to hear the message and grow closer to GOD. But now when I go I really don't even want to be there. I can't focus on the message. I don't want to hear the music which use to be my favorite part of the service because that was how I grew closer to GOD. I grew closer by listen to the music as it touched my heart and moved my soul. When it comes time for the message I try to listen but I find myself thinking about other thing that are far less important. I half way listen to the message and I don't put it to use in my everyday life. Its like I am not even there. By the time I leave I am not able to tell you one thing that was said or sung right before me.
I am blowing GOD off completely and I don't know why. I want GOD in my life and I know he wants to be in my life. But I don't understand what is going on. I don't get it. Its not like me at all. I don't want to become that person who was all about GOD, then one day they decide to turn the corner and move away from GOD. Some one help me. What can I do to Keep myself on tract. I want my old life back. It may of had more ups and downs and fights, but at least then I was able to turn to GOD and lean on him. Now I would not think of turning to GOD. Its like I think he is the enemy. I need to get my life back in order, it needs to be put back on the rails of life. I have been derailed far too long than anyone should ever be.
SO PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME. GIVE ME SOME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO. I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF IT.
Marissa LeeAnn Thompson
I use to love to go to church not to see my friends but to hear the message and grow closer to GOD. But now when I go I really don't even want to be there. I can't focus on the message. I don't want to hear the music which use to be my favorite part of the service because that was how I grew closer to GOD. I grew closer by listen to the music as it touched my heart and moved my soul. When it comes time for the message I try to listen but I find myself thinking about other thing that are far less important. I half way listen to the message and I don't put it to use in my everyday life. Its like I am not even there. By the time I leave I am not able to tell you one thing that was said or sung right before me.
I am blowing GOD off completely and I don't know why. I want GOD in my life and I know he wants to be in my life. But I don't understand what is going on. I don't get it. Its not like me at all. I don't want to become that person who was all about GOD, then one day they decide to turn the corner and move away from GOD. Some one help me. What can I do to Keep myself on tract. I want my old life back. It may of had more ups and downs and fights, but at least then I was able to turn to GOD and lean on him. Now I would not think of turning to GOD. Its like I think he is the enemy. I need to get my life back in order, it needs to be put back on the rails of life. I have been derailed far too long than anyone should ever be.
SO PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME. GIVE ME SOME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO. I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF IT.
Marissa LeeAnn Thompson
Monday, January 5, 2009
THE EVERYDAY SKREW UPS
Recently I probably just made one of the worst skew ups I could do. My Aunt owns a cabin in the mountains and we go up to it year around and on the majority of the holidays as well. I went up to the cabin in North Carolina for six days to celebrate the new years with some of my family and friends of the family. While I was their I got to see some people that i meet when i was very young so I did not remember them at all so it was like meeting them for the first time all over again. They were a married couple with two kids. One of them was a guy 20 years old his name was Mark and the other one was a girl my age her name was Stephine. Their parents were Tracy and Norb. They were all really fun and nice people. I am glad i got to meet them.
And then there were the normally people that always come up and the ones that I know and come up when they can. There was my Aunt and uncle and their two kids my cousins. There was my uncles brother who also celebrated his birthday with us up there his family was not able to come up with him sadly. Then there was a good Friend of the family bobby. And then there was another good friend of the family that come up but not very often because it is a very long drive for them to come up. But they are a really awesome family. They have three kids two boys and one girl. The boy are Luke who is 13 and Seth who is 8 and then their is Gracie who is 10. They are all really great kids and their parents are just the same.
We have a cabin and a very nice trailer up their for people to stay at and sleep. All the adults stayed at the cabin along with all the young kids. The only ones who stayed at the trailer was my sister Anthea, Mark, Stephine, me, and my cousin Jessica was suppose to stay up there with us but she decided at the last minute to stay at the cabin with her parents. So that gave us all a really nice freedom which was greatly appreciated. But in the end was a very bad idea. We took the freedom and trust that we were given for granite.
The two kids that stayed in the trailer with us are both allowed to drink. Their parents don't care that they do. The only rule the have is to not embarrass them in front of their friends, to be able to control them self's, and to not drink and drive. Other than those rules they don't care. My sister Anthea and I are not allowed to drink but were we grew up it was all around us so we got very accustom to it. And my sister drinks all the time. Me on the other hand i use to do it only when I was feeling really down and was greatly mad. So I did it to relieve my self from pain and misery. My sister on the other hand did it just to do it. She is able to get alcohol when every she wants because she has friends that Will buy it for her.
So the real story is what happened on new years-eve. Of course we are all going to party but that does not mean that we had to drink. The adults always allow us to have a Glass of champagne when that ball drops because that wont really hurt us or do anythings to us. The younger kids don't drink it because they don't like that way that it taste. Which is natural because they are young. So all f us that stayed in the trailer were up their before the ball was going to drop. We had a bottle of Malibu That Tracy and Norb gave their kids to have. My sister brought up a small bottle that was some what drunk bottle of jager and then a large bottle that had not been touched of jager. So all of us had 5 shots of it before we went down to join the rest of the group. after we had the shots we ate something and waited 10 minutes before we drove down to the cabin. we stayed down their and watched the ball drop and had our glass of champagne. then we watched the stunts that they showed. And we parted with them for about an hour before we headed back up to the trailer to finished our party we started. Some time went by and we all finished off the large bottle of jager. we had already finished of the small bottle before that night. after we finished the bottle of jager we started to drink some of the Malibu. At that point I had already down ten shots of jager and began to pour about two shots worth in a glass and chugged that. And then proceeded to do that two more time. The last time i did it I added A little coke with it. During this time we had been dancing and doing all sorts of thing. After we had finished off all the drinks and stuff Stephine had earring that you could Perice your ears with with out the gun. I had already done mine the night that we got their. It took me 3 tries before I got it the place I wanted mine. It did not take me over a minute to do all three of them. But my sister did not want to do hers sober so she said that she wanted to do it but only when she was drunk and could not feel it because she gets very sick when it comes to needle s and blood. So that same night that we all got extremely drunk I Pierced her ear for her. It looks really good as well as mine does. After that we all started to wind down and get into bed. Mark was the first one to go to bed but he was also the only one who did not drink as much as we did. Anthea was the next one to go to sleep well more like pass out. Then Stephine and I were the last ones to go to bed. I was getting water to drink. After I got my water headed to bed as well as Stephanie did.
The next day I woke up very early. I really did not remember much from tat night. I felt fine I was very surprised of how early I woke up and did not have hangover. I got ready and decided that I was not going to wait for the rest of them to get up and get ready to go down to the cabin. So I decided to walk down on my own. It is about a mile walk from the trailer to the cabin. It was not that cold that morning so I was put on some pants and a short sleeve shirt and some socks with sandals. When I got to the cabin I looked at the clock because we did not have one at our place it was eight o'clock in the morning. Anthea and Stephanie drove the car down about three hours later than I did. Mark did not get up on his own. His parents went up and got his up and they all come don to the cabin. After that everyone was fixing lunch or had already eaten something for lunch. Anthea and Stephanie ate and then decided that they were still tiered and went back to bed in one of the rooms at the cabin about a half hour later. I was also tired as well as mark but him and I did not go back to bed.
After a while I was getting tired so I said I have to get up and do something. So I went and got my motorcycle helmet and gloves and rode around for about an hour. My cousin Jessica come out and rode with me as well. Then her dad my uncle came over and said do y'all want to make a sand gap run. sandy gap is at the top a of large mountain the has a spot were you can see over everything out their. It takes about and hour to ride up their on the dirt bikes and about 45 minutes to come back down because it is mostly down hill from the top. To get up their we have to go through a large creek. And this time while we were going up the mountain there was a tree that had fallen down and we had to ride over it. All three of us made it over with out falling! When we got back to the cabin Jessica and I were cold because it was only 24 degrees out that day. So when we got back we went inside and sat in front of the fire for a while and warmed up. After awhile I went out on the go-cart and rode around for a little bit then Gracie wanted me to drive her around so I did. I had to settle down on the craziness of how I normally drove the go-cart because I did not want to scare her. I drove her up to the trailer and then back down to the cabin. After that I drove her through the big creek and down to the silver bridge. Gracie and her brothers are not allowed to go down their on there own because it is about 30 minutes from the cabin and the adults cant see them. But My sister Anthea and mark and Stephanie and I can go where ever we want as long as we tell someone that we are going further than just the big creek so that they don't worry about us.
So the whole point of the this is that. I should have not drank with every one and got wasted. But what really makes me mad is that my aunt knew that they had a bottle of jager up their with us and she did not do anything about it. She thought that we would be okay and she was not worried about it. But if she would have done something about it I would have never gotten wasted or done any of the thing that I did that I now regret that happened. My aunt talked to my sister and said that she was not going to tell my dad because she knows that my sister would be doing it on her own in about a week when she goes to college. She just wants her to know tat the cabin is a safer place than anywhere else will be and that she wants her to be safe. But my aunt was two-faced and called my dad. She did not realize that i was also drinking because i had control of my self when i was around them that night and did not act like the rest of them the next morning. So she only told she only told my dad that Anthea had brought the bottle up their with her and they she was drinking with Mark and Stephanie.
My dad called me into my sister room and began to talk to her with me standing right there. HE did not say any thing to me for a while till he said something about me peircing my ear with out and adult knowing and suppervision. He said that he would have liked me to call him and ask him and that he would have most likely thought about it and would have let me do it. That he was only mad at me because I did not ask. And then he kept talking to Anthea abut her drinking. And then turned to me and asked me if I had drank anything. And I dont lie to my dad when he asks me anything. I will tell him the truth not matter what might happen to me. So I told him the truth "yes I did drink". He looked at me for a second and then kept talking to my sister. My sister did not really give a crap and he could tell. Which made him even more mad at her because of that. He was still mad at me but he was less mad because I told him the turht instead of lying when I could have gotten away with it.
So moral of the story I let him down andthe rest of my family down. I hurt my aunt becuase i took advantage of her trust and went behind her back when my dad was not their thinking I would not get in trouble. I am very disappointed in myself more than anything because I did not have to gurts to say no I ma not going to drink and smoke. So I let my self down big time. My goal for this year is:get back on my path and stp drinking completly. I had quit smoking for about a month till I went up their and smoked again. But as far as that goes I am never going to smoke again. I smoked because I did not know what I was doing. So I ma not going to drink or smoke ever again. My new years resalution is: get straight with GOD and stay oin top of my school work and to let my past go and to let my gaurd down and let the people who love me in on my life.
And then there were the normally people that always come up and the ones that I know and come up when they can. There was my Aunt and uncle and their two kids my cousins. There was my uncles brother who also celebrated his birthday with us up there his family was not able to come up with him sadly. Then there was a good Friend of the family bobby. And then there was another good friend of the family that come up but not very often because it is a very long drive for them to come up. But they are a really awesome family. They have three kids two boys and one girl. The boy are Luke who is 13 and Seth who is 8 and then their is Gracie who is 10. They are all really great kids and their parents are just the same.
We have a cabin and a very nice trailer up their for people to stay at and sleep. All the adults stayed at the cabin along with all the young kids. The only ones who stayed at the trailer was my sister Anthea, Mark, Stephine, me, and my cousin Jessica was suppose to stay up there with us but she decided at the last minute to stay at the cabin with her parents. So that gave us all a really nice freedom which was greatly appreciated. But in the end was a very bad idea. We took the freedom and trust that we were given for granite.
The two kids that stayed in the trailer with us are both allowed to drink. Their parents don't care that they do. The only rule the have is to not embarrass them in front of their friends, to be able to control them self's, and to not drink and drive. Other than those rules they don't care. My sister Anthea and I are not allowed to drink but were we grew up it was all around us so we got very accustom to it. And my sister drinks all the time. Me on the other hand i use to do it only when I was feeling really down and was greatly mad. So I did it to relieve my self from pain and misery. My sister on the other hand did it just to do it. She is able to get alcohol when every she wants because she has friends that Will buy it for her.
So the real story is what happened on new years-eve. Of course we are all going to party but that does not mean that we had to drink. The adults always allow us to have a Glass of champagne when that ball drops because that wont really hurt us or do anythings to us. The younger kids don't drink it because they don't like that way that it taste. Which is natural because they are young. So all f us that stayed in the trailer were up their before the ball was going to drop. We had a bottle of Malibu That Tracy and Norb gave their kids to have. My sister brought up a small bottle that was some what drunk bottle of jager and then a large bottle that had not been touched of jager. So all of us had 5 shots of it before we went down to join the rest of the group. after we had the shots we ate something and waited 10 minutes before we drove down to the cabin. we stayed down their and watched the ball drop and had our glass of champagne. then we watched the stunts that they showed. And we parted with them for about an hour before we headed back up to the trailer to finished our party we started. Some time went by and we all finished off the large bottle of jager. we had already finished of the small bottle before that night. after we finished the bottle of jager we started to drink some of the Malibu. At that point I had already down ten shots of jager and began to pour about two shots worth in a glass and chugged that. And then proceeded to do that two more time. The last time i did it I added A little coke with it. During this time we had been dancing and doing all sorts of thing. After we had finished off all the drinks and stuff Stephine had earring that you could Perice your ears with with out the gun. I had already done mine the night that we got their. It took me 3 tries before I got it the place I wanted mine. It did not take me over a minute to do all three of them. But my sister did not want to do hers sober so she said that she wanted to do it but only when she was drunk and could not feel it because she gets very sick when it comes to needle s and blood. So that same night that we all got extremely drunk I Pierced her ear for her. It looks really good as well as mine does. After that we all started to wind down and get into bed. Mark was the first one to go to bed but he was also the only one who did not drink as much as we did. Anthea was the next one to go to sleep well more like pass out. Then Stephine and I were the last ones to go to bed. I was getting water to drink. After I got my water headed to bed as well as Stephanie did.
The next day I woke up very early. I really did not remember much from tat night. I felt fine I was very surprised of how early I woke up and did not have hangover. I got ready and decided that I was not going to wait for the rest of them to get up and get ready to go down to the cabin. So I decided to walk down on my own. It is about a mile walk from the trailer to the cabin. It was not that cold that morning so I was put on some pants and a short sleeve shirt and some socks with sandals. When I got to the cabin I looked at the clock because we did not have one at our place it was eight o'clock in the morning. Anthea and Stephanie drove the car down about three hours later than I did. Mark did not get up on his own. His parents went up and got his up and they all come don to the cabin. After that everyone was fixing lunch or had already eaten something for lunch. Anthea and Stephanie ate and then decided that they were still tiered and went back to bed in one of the rooms at the cabin about a half hour later. I was also tired as well as mark but him and I did not go back to bed.
After a while I was getting tired so I said I have to get up and do something. So I went and got my motorcycle helmet and gloves and rode around for about an hour. My cousin Jessica come out and rode with me as well. Then her dad my uncle came over and said do y'all want to make a sand gap run. sandy gap is at the top a of large mountain the has a spot were you can see over everything out their. It takes about and hour to ride up their on the dirt bikes and about 45 minutes to come back down because it is mostly down hill from the top. To get up their we have to go through a large creek. And this time while we were going up the mountain there was a tree that had fallen down and we had to ride over it. All three of us made it over with out falling! When we got back to the cabin Jessica and I were cold because it was only 24 degrees out that day. So when we got back we went inside and sat in front of the fire for a while and warmed up. After awhile I went out on the go-cart and rode around for a little bit then Gracie wanted me to drive her around so I did. I had to settle down on the craziness of how I normally drove the go-cart because I did not want to scare her. I drove her up to the trailer and then back down to the cabin. After that I drove her through the big creek and down to the silver bridge. Gracie and her brothers are not allowed to go down their on there own because it is about 30 minutes from the cabin and the adults cant see them. But My sister Anthea and mark and Stephanie and I can go where ever we want as long as we tell someone that we are going further than just the big creek so that they don't worry about us.
So the whole point of the this is that. I should have not drank with every one and got wasted. But what really makes me mad is that my aunt knew that they had a bottle of jager up their with us and she did not do anything about it. She thought that we would be okay and she was not worried about it. But if she would have done something about it I would have never gotten wasted or done any of the thing that I did that I now regret that happened. My aunt talked to my sister and said that she was not going to tell my dad because she knows that my sister would be doing it on her own in about a week when she goes to college. She just wants her to know tat the cabin is a safer place than anywhere else will be and that she wants her to be safe. But my aunt was two-faced and called my dad. She did not realize that i was also drinking because i had control of my self when i was around them that night and did not act like the rest of them the next morning. So she only told she only told my dad that Anthea had brought the bottle up their with her and they she was drinking with Mark and Stephanie.
My dad called me into my sister room and began to talk to her with me standing right there. HE did not say any thing to me for a while till he said something about me peircing my ear with out and adult knowing and suppervision. He said that he would have liked me to call him and ask him and that he would have most likely thought about it and would have let me do it. That he was only mad at me because I did not ask. And then he kept talking to Anthea abut her drinking. And then turned to me and asked me if I had drank anything. And I dont lie to my dad when he asks me anything. I will tell him the truth not matter what might happen to me. So I told him the truth "yes I did drink". He looked at me for a second and then kept talking to my sister. My sister did not really give a crap and he could tell. Which made him even more mad at her because of that. He was still mad at me but he was less mad because I told him the turht instead of lying when I could have gotten away with it.
So moral of the story I let him down andthe rest of my family down. I hurt my aunt becuase i took advantage of her trust and went behind her back when my dad was not their thinking I would not get in trouble. I am very disappointed in myself more than anything because I did not have to gurts to say no I ma not going to drink and smoke. So I let my self down big time. My goal for this year is:get back on my path and stp drinking completly. I had quit smoking for about a month till I went up their and smoked again. But as far as that goes I am never going to smoke again. I smoked because I did not know what I was doing. So I ma not going to drink or smoke ever again. My new years resalution is: get straight with GOD and stay oin top of my school work and to let my past go and to let my gaurd down and let the people who love me in on my life.
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