The change in my life

FROM THE BEGINING

Recently my sister moved back in with my father and I. I love my sister to death so I was very happy when she told me that she was moving back in with me. Now that she has been living with my father and I for about three to four months now I have really gotten use to her living here again. But when she moved in I new that it was only temporary till she went away for college. I did not think that it would have a big affect on me. Before she had moved in I was always home by myself I did not mind to much but I would get lonely sometimes. My father works late so he is never home long and he is always gone in the morning when i wake up to leave. But now that she has moved back in my relationship with her is stronger than it has ever been. I have always been able to tell her anything but now I feel that I can really trust her with my life. Garnette she does have some really bad habits that I have as well but were never as bad as they are now. For instant we both use to smoke when we were younger. Over the years and since we moved up here I have stopped pretty much all the way. But now that she is able to buy them on her own she does and is nor a regular smoker. And since she moved back in I had a way of getting them too. But I have no been smoke Free for about a month now and don't plan on going back to it!! so I guess in some cases it is good to be a quitter!! But back to the main focus of this. She will be leaving for college this coming January twenty-second. I have come to realize no matter how much I hate to admit it I will greatly miss her. And i don't wont her to leave me again. I already had to deal with her leaving me once in my life and I really don't wont her to do it again. But in these circumstances it is inevitable for it to not happen. But I think what I will miss the most is her company and having someone to be able to talk to freely knowing that they will not judge me or look down on me when I tell them something. She is not only my sister but she is one of my best friends. So this post goes out to her. ANTHEA I LOVE YOU AND WILL MISS YOU GREATLY AND WISH THAT SOME HOW YOU DID NOT HAVE TO LEAVE ME.

TO THE END

Marissa LeeAnn Thompson

so lately I have been feeling down

So for about three weeks not I have been feeling really down. As I stated some things about my mom. You most likely figured out that I don't get along with her very well. Which is very true I don't really care to talk to her or see her much. But deep down inside of me I really miss her. I don't miss how she treated me or how she acted or the things that she did. But I do miss her because she is my mom. I really wish that I could forget the past and what happened. But as you can imagine it is very difficult to forget something like that. I cant say that I have fully forgiven her for what she did but I have let go of some of it. And as Christmas time comes around I cant help but start to wish that she was here. Even though I don't want to go see her or for her to come see me. I think the reason behind that is I don't wont to give her a false idea that everything is okay between her and I. But I know that if I don't go and see her that she will be very hurt. And I cant bring myself to hurt someone because I know how bad it hurts to be hurt. And trust me we all know how it feels and nobody deserves to be hurt no matter what. So what I guess I am trying to say is that I wish i could forget everything that happened and forgive her completely and move on with my life. And that I can start to rebuild my relation ship with her again. Because I don't wont her to die not know that I do really love her. I don't think I could go through that again.

p.s.

So if anyone has any advise on how to help me out with this PLEASE let me know.

Marissa LeeAnn Thompson

the story of my life

Okay so most of you know a little about me. But I am hoping by writing about my past I will be able to be more open with everyone. But also by doing this i am not looking for pity. I am doing this to try and help myself let my gaurd down and trust people. I would have to say that this is a big step for me.

Okay i grew up in Riverdale Ga. It is about a hour and a half south of here. The schools in Clayton county which I attended just lost there accreditation to teach. I grew up with mainly all back people which their is nothing wrong with that. As I was growing up both of my parents drank very heavily. Eventually my dad stopped by my mom did not because she is an alcoholic. My dad stayed at work all the time because he did not have a good relationship with my mom. He was gone when my sister and I woke up in the mornings and he was never home when we would go to bed. He went out of town with his work every other weekend and when he was home on the weekends he stayed locked up in his room. So basically my sister and I never saw him. My mom worked at a daycare so we went their and then to school. We were always with my mother we never got a break until we were at school. I was never good in school. I could not focus and never payed attention. Which has not changed to this day. I would act out in school. My teachers were always getting on to me and sending letters home to my mom.

At home I did not change much with the way I behaved. I was always in trouble at home with my mom. And because she was drunk all the time she did not handle things the proper way. She thought that the best way was to abuse me. She would call me names which hurt me emotionally and the abuse hurt me physically. I did not tell anyone because I though that it was normal because I grew up with her doing that. My teacher would ask me what the bruises were from I would have to make up some sort of lie.

But I do not really blame my mom because she was an alcoholic and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And to top both of thoes desiases off she was diabetic. And if you know about that health problem you are not suppose to drink because it makes it a lot worse. So basically she was not right in the head she did not know what she was doing.

When time got really rough between my mom and dad my mom would pack up her stuff and my siter and my stuff as well. And we would go stay with her dad my grandfather for weeks on end. I did not mind going over to his house. But he did not treat me well either. Dont get me wrong he was not like my mom at all. He just favored my sister a lot more than he liked me. He would find the smallest thing to yell at me about. And when ever something did not go right he would blame it on me. But even tough he did that I stilled loved him very much. He past away about four years ago. And I still have hurt inside me to this day because I was not able to say goodbye to him or that I loved him though thick and thin. I still miss him greatly.

My mom and dad spilt up about seven and a hlaf years ago. When they spilt up my mom moved in with her dad at his house and my dad made us move up here. I moved up here a week before my seventh grade school year was about to begin. I still wonder what things would be like if I had never moved. I greatly missed my friends and did not wont to be in this area. Because I was so diffrent from everyone else. But once we moved up here my dad though that it was time that he got my sister and I inolved with church. He and my mom both grew up in church but once they got married they both never went to church. So my sister and I never attened a church service a day of our lifes. I was open to the idea of doing something new. My sister on the other hand was not to happy about it. So when I was in the seventh grade i started to attend lost moutain on a regular basis. I grew fond of the church and the people. I started to like going to church and hear the message of GOD. And up until a year ago i remaind un baptized. I did finaly make the decision to be baptized. Truly the one youth pastor that i ever had that i trusted was the one to baptise me. It was his first time ever doing it so it was ont only special for me but for him as well. I am still attending lost mountain to this day.

As any other normal person you go through trails and I would have to say now looking back on my life that it was GOD doing it to me. Only because he wanted me to be able to help people out with their problems. All my friends come to me when they have problem and my family does as well. So I guess I cant really say that I had a bad life. Because in the end I think I got the better end of the stick. Now because of the trials I went through and sturggled with has helped me to be able to help others. So I would have to say that GOD has given me a great gift to be able to help other when they are in need of someone to trust and talk to.

So that is my life story. I have left a few parts out about my personal life because I am still struggling with them to this day. But when I am able to say that I have fully thrown them out of my life. I will share them with you. But until then this is what I have to offer you.

Marissa LeeAnn Thompson