I just want to cry

I don't know what to do anymore. I really just want to give up and stop trying. I just cant handle the pain anymore. I don't want to go on living my life the way I have been. If I could have just one wish it would be to be seven again or younger. When I did not know what was going on around me. I was to busy playing with my friends and to young to understand anything. I would give anything to be that little girl again. I look back now and think that my life was bad but then I did not of any different kind of life. I did not have any worries. I could get home and go out side and play with my other friends. Then of course I did not know that my mom had the sickness that she had. And that my parents hated to be around one another. And that if it were not for my sis and I that they wold have never stayed together for as long as they did. Every time I look at my old pictures I wish that time would have just stood still. That things would have never changed. I don't want to be here anymore. I wish that my time on the hell hole of a place that we call earth was over. I just want to know that my parents love me. and they care about me. I cant really do anything about that. My dad never tells me that he loves me or that he is glad I am here. he just tells me when i screw up and that I am a disappointment to him. And I don't talk to my mom so I cant really say that I expect anything from her. she send me notes and emails telling me that I should not act the way that I am and that a true christian would not act this way. And that I am being childish. But I cant help it that I hurt so much inside that I cant ever let anyone get close to me without thinking that they are going to hurt me somehow or that they are just using me for there own satisfaction. It hurts to much to show who I really am. So many people think that they know me but they really don't but I cant blame them for that it is my own fault because I'm to scared to let anyone in and get close to me for them to actually know who i am. WHY AM I HERE. WHAT IS THE REASON THAT I EXIST ON THIS PLANET. THERE IS NO PURPOSE FOR ME. I just want to get out of here as fast as I can to take this pain and misery away from me.